Aiming Too High

Aiming High

Aiming High

Past conditioning and unhealthy false beliefs stand behind lots of our struggles and life issues.

Today I was dreaming-thinking about evolvement of my own career. I was also thinking about how my past conditioning and false beliefs influenced me.  And all of the sudden I hear a voice in my mind saying: “You are aiming too high.” Wow!

I love when this happens! The ‘Aha’ moments just come out of nowhere and open a space into our inner insight and clear knowing.  Things deeply hidden in our subconscious mind come to the surface with some learning attached. We become aware of what we were not conscious about and therefore we start to own it. From that moment we have a choice; and with choice come strength and freedom.

And so here I am, having an ‘Aha’ moment that takes me back into my past, somewhere into my teens. I listen to this critical and judgmental voice saying to me ”You are aiming too high.” I feel the sensation in my body. I feel as if I am back at the very moment when someone said that to me. I feel the emotional reaction in my body, the sense of unworthy and of not being enough. I sense the negative energy projecting my way. I also feel the pain attached.

What else is there? I am not worthy of aiming high, I am not good enough and I am going to fail anyway. I am aiming too high, higher than I am supposed to, higher than I should, higher than I am allowed to, higher than what is appropriate etc. And I know that unfortunately on some level I have accepted those messages as truth.

And there is something even more in it; my own defiance of this rule. I feel the anger of the teenage me, rising in my body. ‘That’s not fair! I am going to fight against it! ‘

I am so grateful for these ‘Aha’ moments when magic happens. I see clearly now how this old conditioning and believing that I had to fight against it showed up in my life.

Is it really my belief? No. Do I want to keep it? No. Who does it belong to? I don’t know and it doesn’t even matter anymore. I am ready to let it go. I am ready to release this unhealthy and not supportive belief now. I am sending it back with consciousness attached. I am replacing this old belief with a new one that is healthy and that supports me.

“I deserve to aim as high as I chose to. I deserve to achieve whatever I aim for with ease and grace. “

The truth is that we all hold on unhealthy and not supportive beliefs based on our past conditioning. We all have adopted some on the way to where we are now. Take some time and have a look at what your beliefs around your career choices are.

What were your parents telling you about your career? And what about your teachers, your friends, the societal rules, what did they make you to belief? Allow these beliefs and rules to come to the surface. Only then, when you are aware, you can make a choice. You can let yourself free of those beliefs that are not serving you anymore.

I love to hear from you. What is your experience? What did you find out? What were the beliefs that were stopping you from creating career you desire? Share and inspire. Your sharing is powerful; it may trigger a change in someone else. By sharing you are changing the world to a better place. And for that I thank you, and I hug you.

“Follow Your Heart and Live Your Truth”

Karolina Maya

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Feeling Overwhelmed and Guilty

feeling overwhelmed

Feeling Overwhelmed

Do you ever feel overwhelmed and guilty? Do you know the feeling? That’s how I feel at this moment. And what makes it even worse is that I feel I don’t have any right to feel that way. And yes, the truth is that I do.

Write a blog for my website! I have this task written on my list for six months now. I haven’t written a word for six months! Oh dear, a sense of guilt rushes through my body. Why haven’t I? Since I left to Hawaii to swim with dolphins I haven’t touched my blog at all. Why?

Yes, first I consciously took some time off, going to Hawaii to fulfill my childhood dream and swim with wild dolphins.  And after returning back to Australia I just wasn’t in the space for doing it even though I had so much to share.

Topics and thoughts have been popping into my mind and yet, nothing made it to the paper. Topics started to build up a stock and my sense of overwhelmed became to grow up. All right, it’s time to look into the truth of this. What is really going on?

I sit down, breath deeply and allow my emotions to arise. Now in the state of calm and silence I start to understand what they want to tell me.

  • Someone said so – writing a blog every week started to feel as an obligation. “You have to post a blog at least every week”; I hear the on-line marketing gurus saying. I realize that I don’t like the obligation and the sense of “Must to” at all.  Oh yes, that’s the rebel in me revolting against rules that someone else sets up for me. And at the same time I feel guilty for not following those rules. I get it. That’s me.
  • Blocked Channel  – Even though I have so many topics to share in my mind, by the time I want to write them down, they are gone. My mind goes blank. The topics and thoughts get lost in the time gap between their birth and their application.
  • Time pressure and panic – the time since my last blog became too long. And it’s getting longer day-by-day. And with that my sense of panic and overwhelmed grows as well. Where do I start? What do I write first?

So what? A surprising sense of clarity flushes through my mind and what to do becomes obvious.

I am going to talk to the rebel in me. We are going to make our own, free of obligations decisions. Yes, I am free to make choices that are right for me regardless of what the others say.

I am going to support my mind and the way it produces thoughts and ideas. I have to capture my thought at the moment they are born. No “I will remember that” anymore.

I know where to start. I am going to start right there where I am right now. I am going to write about feeling overwhelmed and guilty.

What have I learned already? That it’s OK not to be perfect. I can now relax in my own imperfection.

Uf, feeling much better now. Finally I am able to accept the situation exactly as it is. I Stop fighting my own feelings and the clarity comes  straight away. How simple!

Karolina Maya

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My Lesson on Judgment and Criticism

A generous woman

A woman offering her umbrella

How was school today? What happened at school today?  No one is asking me these questions anymore and no one is giving me marks. But yesterday I had a great sense of being at school again; this time at the school of life.  Well, it’s true; I am a student of life. We all are, aren’t we? It’s just about being conscious about what life is teaching us, isn’t it?

So here is my yesterday’s life lesson.

I am waiting for the green light at the crossing. It’s a busy street and it takes time. There is an older woman next to me waiting to cross the road.  It’s raining. She is struggling to open her umbrella. That’s what caught my attention. I am watching her and without even noticing it my mind goes straight to criticism. “Look how dirty her pants are! Oh my god, she must be poor if she can’t even ware clean pants!”  “Stop it!” The other part of me is catching on the critique in me. I don’t want to be critical or judgmental at all. What am I doing?  With the awareness of my own ego I decide to see the woman just as it is; a woman who tries to open her umbrella; nothing less and nothing more.

I feel quite pleased with myself that I am aware of my critical voice inside and that I am able to stop it as soon as it opens its mouth.  But that’s not the end of my today’s lesson. The main part is just about to come.

I am still waiting, hidden under the roof to protect me from the rain.  The green light is on, time to get out to the rain. Before I can even make the first step, this “poor” woman steps between me and another guy and takes us both under her umbrella! What an amazing thing! What a lovely woman! I share a smile with the other guy under the umbrella,  our eyes saying. “Wow, she is awesome!”

And my lesson? This “poor” woman, as my critical mind labeled her, had something that we didn’t have at that moment. She had an umbrella and a warm loving and giving heart. And she shared both with two total stranger. Oh my god, how rich she is!

Even though you may feel you have nothing at all; even though you may feel there is nothing you can offer, there is always something in your personal treasure chest. There is always something to share.

“The next time I have a critical thought I will consciously change that thought to love.”

I am a student of life and I continue asking: How was my school today? What did I learn today?

Karolina Maya

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How to Find Your Inner Motivation Again

 

women in their midlife and career

women in their midlife and career

When we, women reach our midlife it often means some change. And change may be perceived as a crisis. Quite often, this midlife crises is actually a crisis of motivation.

What is motivation? According to Wikipedia motivation is a psychological feature that arouses an organism to act towards a desired goal and elicits, controls, and sustains certain goal directed behaviours.

In a plain language it means an inner engine that moves us towards our desires.

Common theme for women of my generation was that kids were their priority. Women, who chose to stay at home, did that for their kids. Women, who continued working, did that mostly to provide enough for their kids. A lot of women are familiar with just having a job for having an income to provide enough to their families. The first and highest motivation has been, consciously or not, our children.

Building career or letting it go, working hard or staying at home, these are different choices, based on different circumstances but mostly driven by same motivation; our children and their wellbeing. Children have been simply purpose of our lives and therefore our main motivators.

And then midlife changes hit us with all its challenges. Children grow up and become independent. And it often means that our motivation we got used to is gone.

No wonder that all career issues and struggles become more obvious. What we were used to accept before suddenly frustrates us. We may face many different issues but they often have the same cause. Lack of motivation. So how to get the motivation back?

Awareness

First of all it is necessary to be aware of the situation. You can’t change what you are not aware of. You may notice signs of your inner engine lacking the fuel. Maybe you feel bored, numb or experience low energy levels. Maybe you feel irritated or oversensitive. These are signs that your engine doesn’t have enough of fuel.  Acknowledge it and accept it as what it is. From there you may chose to change it.

Conscious approach

You need to want to change the situation. It just doesn’t happen automatically. Make a conscious choice. When you chose to change, the possible options show up. If you have a partner, talk to them. It is important for them to know what is happening for you.  You changing means a change for them as well. Get them involved.

Reignite your passion

Remind yourself with what you were passionate about and reconnect with your passion. If you don’t know, that’s OK either. Use your time to find out what makes you happy and do it as often as possible. Say yes to life and taste different activities. Look around and observe your feelings. You will find what makes you emotionally charged.  Just pay attention to your feelings.

Find compelling mission

Doing what we love to do for ourselves is great. But quite often it’s not enough.  Especially after spending long time by doing everything for someone else it may be quite a challenge. Use the urge to serve and contribute and look around.  When you find what makes you emotionally charged the most, ask yourself: How can I serve through this, how can I make it different, how can I get involved…  You will get the answer.

Let it be known

Let your family know. Talk to your partner and children and tell them what you are going to do and what you want to achieve. And tell them why.  Ask them for support and let them react as they react. Their reaction may not be what you wish for. Accept that. They may need some time to absorb your new you and that’s all right. When they see you being motivated, passionate, active and happy by living your life fully, they will join.

Remember, it is your birth right to live your life fully. Find your fuel.  Make your engine run and enjoy the ride.

Karolina Maya

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What Is Stopping Women From Creating Life They Desire? Not Being Good Enough

Are we good enough?

Are we good enough?

Do you feel great about yourself, comfortable in your body, in love with what you do, appreciated by your friends and loved by your intimate partner and kids? If you answer yes, you are a lucky woman. The truth is that most women feel lack of confidence in some area of their life. Almost every woman simply doesn’t feel good enough in some way.

My experience is that not being good enough is the main reason why we don’t pursue our true goals and aspirations.

We all have different reasons for not feeling good enough but what we have in common is that it comes from our childhood and how we were appreciated as girls by our parents and the whole society.

There is always criticism, judgment or comparison to something or someone else in the root of this belief.

What I want to focus on in this article is not feeling good enough as girls and later women because of being compared to boys respective men.

Going back to your childhood you can find that being a girl was perceived as less than being a boy. Even though that consciously you haven’t agreed with it at all, you may have accepted it on a subconscious level.

1. Women status in the society

How were women appreciated by the society you grew up within? Were women during your upbringing treated equally as men? Have they had same rights and status? If your answer is no, then you have more likely developed a belief that being a woman is not good enough.

2. Your dad and mum

How was your parents relationship? You may have observed the same belief of being only a woman who doesn’t deserve the same as a man from your mum’s behaviour. If that is the case it was most likely supported by your dad’s confirming behaviour. And even though you didn’t like it and was fighting against it the chance it you have finally accepted it unconsciously.

3. You were born instead of a boy

You may have grown up in a family that expected a boy. And instead of that a girl was born. Your parents or even grandparents may have expressed their disappointment. And that is just a step away from developing the ‘not good enough’ belief.

4. Your brother hero

What about this scenario? You had a brother who was great in everything he was doing. And everyone was comparing you to him. Whatever you did, nothing was as good as what he did. You were never as good as him, never good enough. I guess it didn’t help to develop a great confidence in being an amazing girl and a woman later on, did it?

5. Lack of affection from your father

Did you have a demanding or busy father who was not there for you emotionally? Did you feel like you had to be the best in everything you were doing to deserve his attention and love? Did you succeed? Girls who don’t feel enough of love and appreciation from their fathers quite often struggle to build a healthy self-esteem as girls and women.

6. It’s only for boys

If you as a child were stopped from doing something you really wanted to do or from expressing yourself fully just because you were a girl, guess what? You could have understood that something is there only for boys and not for girls. Girls are just not good enough to have or do the same things as boys.

7. She is only a woman

I guess that almost all of us have heard someone’s critical or cynical comments towards women such as “she can’t be good in that, she is just a woman”. What about comment and jokes about women drivers and their parking skills, jokes about blonds, sexist comments etc. It may be meant innocently but it doesn’t help.

I wanted to suggest couple of samples of possible circumstances and situations in which beliefs of not being good enough may have been born. These are just some examples based on my experience from working with my clients. I don’t suggest that everyone had a bad childhood, the society was wrong and parents did not love their daughters. Beliefs are always born on our perception and understanding at the time. And a perception is just a perception and as such it can be changed.

What I suggest is to look at your personal situation. Look back into your childhood and find what did cause you to adopt this belief of not being good enough. Once you remember, you can set yourself free. It’s worthy to do so because you’re worthy. There is no need to carry on beliefs that don’t serve you anymore.

There is no need for any comparisons. We don’t need to compare men and women, one to the other. We are all unique and perfect as we are. We all deserve to live lives we desire and create careers we want.

“Follow your heart, live your truth.” Set yourself free from your limiting beliefs that stop you from living your life fully with joy, pleasure, fun and ease. Take a first step to make changes and create life you desire. Visit my website  and book yourself for your free coaching session and download my free guidebook “The Alchemist Way – Discover Your Life Purpose in 4 Steps” to find out the truth about yourself.

Karolina Maya

 

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